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The Tally Ho

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Okay, enough about the pot, already. El woke me up today by talking about today's date and all its various connotations. Then, in case I hadn't heard it at home, Morning Edition chimed in with a commentary about Stoners' Day and how we should all use it as an opportunity to talk to our kids. Talk to them about what? Most adults I know haven't been able to formulate a Theory of Marijuana which can be distilled into a sound bite small enough to hold a fifteen-year-old's attention.

Meanwhile, grade schools here in Chicago have given their students a day off school so that parents can come pick up their students' report cards. The idea (a marvelous one) is to bring the student, teacher, and parent to the same table, so that they can all have a little heart-to-heart about academia. K-8 kids have their Pickup Day today, and high schoolers have theirs tomorrow. However, this system is problematic for several reasons:
1) Lots of parents just don't come to report card pickup day, the teachers tell me.
2) Pickup is from 12-6 pm for grade school. Parents who have children in both grade school and high school have to make arrangements to go to their children's schools two days in one week.
3) The kids are at home today, many of them without child care. What are they doing, home alone, on April 20? Smoking up, of course. (For those of you who think grade school kids are too young for these activities: I have seventh graders who are 15 years old right now. If they had a car, these kids could drive themselves to school next year.)

On the plus side, being slightly overweight is apparently good for you. So the next time we get the munchies, we can relax about whether those chips are baked or fried.

For those of us who don't observe Stoners' Day, I might also note that this is the anniversary of Hitler's birthday, the Columbine massacre, and that big tornado that hit Utica. The new Pope is being compared to a Rottweiler, and the Virgin Mary is appearing just a few blocks away to the faithful of Chicago, apparently having taken the old Pope in her arms. (As he presumably hasn't spent much time in the arms of women, this is a big thing.) This week's news is a whirlwind of confusion and fear. Makes me almost want to light up a joint.


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