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The Tally Ho

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

3am-1pm Part I

Steve asked me to tell a story. I recount more of a delirium. Sleep outruns me by 30 hours at this point. I still must attend a 3 ½ class this evening and then Dr. Chimay’s office hours.
First, glance at the picture below. What do you notice? The Foucault-esque gentleman with the pipe (not a pipe)? The fine mullet specimen? Perhaps the transvestite Cher impersonator stole your gaze? If the latter, the theft is unintentional – quite the opposite occurred, actually. A swarm of diva impersonators (of the Cher, Liza, Bette types) descended on mid-town Manhattan in the early hours this morning as a gift to the city that didn’t invent, but certainly perfected guerilla marketing. Some clearly earned the label transvestite as well. Some clearly did not. Some… well… make-up and hosiery work wonders on perception when mixed with lack of sleep.
I hesitate to continue this charade by providing all the relevant details, but the success of this journey still hangs in the balance. My friend Jeff convinced Steve and me to help accompany the divas to the Today show and escort them throughout a mid-town parade to promote the new Biography episodes beginning tonight with Bette Midler (check your local listings especially if you serve as a Nielsen household in the greater tri-state area).
The operation began at the Hotel Edison – a rather unique command central reminiscent of that one G.I. Joe episode where Cobra Commander attempts to lead a similar diva force to discover the secret of Snake Eyes’ youthful skin. Upon entering the Floral Room on the second floor, the site of makeup and wigs signaled that we entered the cocoon from where divas would soon emerge. Two hours later we rode in a charter bus less than five blocks to the NBC studios at Rockefeller Center – only a posse from southern Indiana (not divas, but still uniformed in traditional “whur not from round here” outfits) stood in line between us and the steel corral soon to ensnare us for five hours. After an hour of waiting in the initial line and the cursory security check we entered the Today Show arena. A cage match where commercialism and script merge forming a spectacle that would make even Guy Debord question the boundaries of representation (I must admit here that I have no idea what that last point I made means -- it just sounds kinda cool, eh? Consider, however, that I just introduced the world to the first post-postmodern writing – I call it “pan-modern” and I, its vanguard (now I must redirect you to the part of this message where I tell you how much sleep I’m working with here.)).

[at this point I realize must hustle to get to class on time. More later…]

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